Archive for category movies

The Men Who Stare At Goats: jmag review

Here’s my quick review of The Men Who Stare At Goats from the latest issue of jmag. With this source material and calibre of cast, I had such high hopes…

THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS

Directed by: Grant Heslov

Starring: Ewan McGregor, George Clooney, Jeff Bridges

Country: USA

The Men Who Stare At Goats starts with the statement: “More of this is true than you would believe.” And that’s both what’s wrong and what’s right with the movie.

It works best when it’s showing the secret history of the US Army’s unit of psychic spies, trained in paranormal abilities by a Lebowskiesque guru played by Jeff Bridges. These flashbacks, though, are intercut with a tacked-on storyline in the present about a journalist (Ewan McGregor) stumbling across a man who claims to be a member of “Project Jedi” on a secret mission in Iraq (George Clooney).

Sounds awesome? It’s inspired by Jon Ronson’s wildly entertaining book, but it misses the point that the book’s fascinating precisely because it’s non-fiction. (I mean, the soldiers are trained in something called the “sparkly eyes technique”!)

While The Men Who Stare At Goats is intermittently entertaining, it turns everything into farcical comedy. It should’ve realised that when your source material is this batshit, you play it straight.

Just one other review this month: the bizarre Twilight Zone-inspired Pontypool.

Issue #37 on sale now.

Directed by: Grant Heslov

Starring: Ewan McGregor, George Clooney, Jeff Bridges

Country: USA

Stars: 2

The Men Who Stare At Goats starts with the statement: “More of this is true than you would believe.” And that’s both what’s wrong and what’s right with the movie.

It works best when it’s showing the secret history of the US Army’s unit of psychic spies, trained in paranormal abilities by a Lebowskiesque guru played by Jeff Bridges. These flashbacks, though, are intercut with a tacked-on storyline in the present about a journalist (Ewan McGregor) stumbling across a man who claims to be a member of “Project Jedi” on a secret mission in Iraq (George Clooney).

Sounds awesome? It’s inspired by Jon Ronson’s wildly entertaining book, but it misses the point that the book’s fascinating precisely because it’s non-fiction. (I mean, the soldiers are trained in something called the “sparkly eyes technique”!)

The Men Who Stare At Goats is intermittently entertaining, but it turns everything into farcical comedy. It should’ve realised that when your source material is this entertainingly batshit, you play it straight.

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Caveman Panic and the Lumière Train

As a child, I was fascinated by the idea of being thrown back in time. I especially loved those stories where a time-traveller goes back and convinces the primitive population of his obvious divinity with only the few artefacts of modern life that he happened to have on him.

Cigarette lighters. Cassette players. Unlikely knowledge of the next solar eclipse.

I couldn’t help thinking of those poor cavemen when I read this paragraph in a recent piece on cinema and horror in The Guardian:

“It seems obvious now that one of the inherent functions or opportunities that always faced the movies was scaring the living daylights out of us. When the train came into the station in the Lumiere brothers’ early film programme, some in the audience ran out of the theatre screaming. They thought the engine was going to come out of the screen and hit them!”

Everyone’s heard this story, over and over again. In 1895, Louis Lumière showed his short film Arrival of the Train and terrified the audience, causing them to shout, scream, and leap from their chairs in panic. This wasn’t a documentary; it was black magic.

Writing for The Moving Image journal in 2004, Martin Loiperdinger says that as the crowd’s reaction has been told and retold, it has become “the founding myth of the medium, testifying to the power of film over its spectators.” He concludes:

“Paradoxically, Arrival of the Train has come to represent both the modernity of Louis Lumière’s first documentary films, their visual power to shock audiences, and a precursor of Direct Cinema. However, neither attribute really stands up to film historical analysis.”

So maybe the crowd weren’t frightened after all, and a few excited ooohs and aaahs have been exaggerated, purple-monkey-dishwasher-style, into something more memorable. I can see why we want to believe. It’s not only an object lesson in cinematic oomph; it also lets us feel superior to those primitive audiences, sitting in the dark, screaming endearingly at the flickering images before them.

In a subsequent issue of the same journal, Ray Zone writes about a fact that seems like something everyone but those cavemen and me must’ve already known.

Why is it never mentioned, he wonders, that only two months before this infamous screening of Arrival of the Train, “a runaway locomotive at the Montmartre Station in Paris broke through a second story wall and plummeted down into the street”?

This allows the crowd their own history, rather than requiring them to be blank-faced witnesses of oncoming modernity. Maybe they weren’t thinking: oh god, this Lumière wizard has conjured a train from thin air that now rushes forth to kill us one and all!

Maybe they winced and thought: too soon.

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Antichrist: jmag review

Here’s my quick review of Lars von Trier’s Antichrist, just out on DVD, from the latest jmag. Warning: the following fails to grasp the whole ‘authorial intent is meaningless’ thing that’s hammered into every first year arts student.

ANTICHRIST

Directed by: Lars von Trier

Starring: Willem Dafoe, Charlotte Gainsbourg

Country: USA / Denmark

After watching Antichrist, all I wanted to do was get Lars von Trier drunk and ask him: “Really?”

He has Willem Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg give incredibly raw, honest performances as a couple dealing with the death of their young child; but he puts them in a film so over-the-top it often seems like a Flying High-style parody of art cinema. And that’s before a talking fox arrives to announce that “chaos reigns!”If you were too squeamish to see Antichrist on the big screen, don’t worry. Once things turn violent, it’s still not that bad – well, except for the bit with scissors, anyway. (Shudder.) It’s just the way he’s mixed violence with explicit sex that makes it shocking.

Antichrist is full of beautiful, nightmarish imagery: you could freeze it at random and create a perfect oil painting. Sometimes the movie seems like it’s inching close to saying something profound… only to run away giggling again.

So, Lars: should we take this psychodrama seriously? And how about that drink?

Other reviews this month: Bigelow’s The Hurt Locker, Hillcoat’s The Road – more on that here – and Final Destination 3D.

Issue #36 on sale now.

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If John Waters Could Only Save One Film…

John Waters is so damn enthusiastic about art that you can just wind him up and watch him go.

Just before Christmas last year I had the chance to chat with everyone’s favourite dirty uncle of cult cinema, and there’s a lengthy chunk of the interview now online.

Even when I haven’t thought much of one or two of John Waters’ films, I’ve always admired him for how excited he remains about other artists’ work, and not just his own. Film, theatre, fine art, you name it. So in the grand tradition of the Heathers lunchtime poll I asked him the following: if 1950s-style aliens arrived on earth to destroy all our movies and you could only save one film, what would it be?

His reply: Boom!

It’s the best failed art film ever. Elizabeth Taylor plays Sissy Goforth and Richard Burton plays the Angel of Death, a gigolo who comes to live with rich ladies before they die. It is staggering to see this movie. I could watch it over and over and shout out all the dialogue. It has Richard Burton saying for no apparent reason: “Boom… the sound of knowing the next moment you’re alive…”

(He gave me some good advice about surviving Christmas, too. While he loves it, he said he “understands people hating it. I think the biggest mistake you can make about Christmas is ignoring it.” Next Christmas, as Stephen Colbert would say: pick a side! We’re at war!)

Go read it, because he’s awesome. There’s some more of the our conversation – including why he thinks the Marquis de Sade is more famous than the Beatles – in the latest jmag.

I think the biggest mistake you can make about Christmas is ignoring it.

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